Clik here to view.
National Guard Stands Ready To Defend Constitution, Conduct Vehicle Maintenance
ARLINGTON, Va. — As budget cuts hit all levels of the U.S. military, leaders in the Army National Guard Bureau are fighting back against fiscal hawks in Congress by highlighting the service’s long...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Lieutenant Immediately Regrets Showing Picture Of Girlfriend To New Platoon
FORT DRUM, N.Y. — 2nd Lt. Micheal Podwoski arrived at his first command with wide eyes and a goal of reaching his soldiers on a personal level, but he’s regretting his attempt to earn their respect by...
View ArticleClik here to view.
National Guard Drill Weekend Optional, Command Picnic Mandatory
MURFREESBORO, Tenn. — Some National Guard soldiers thought they had September off but instead faced mandatory fun days, sources confirmed. The National Guard had announced at the beginning of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Blue Force Tracker Becomes Self-Aware, Has Existential Crisis
KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — A Blue Force Tracker system currently in use by U.S. troops for navigation and communication became self-aware Wednesday, and it’s now in the middle of an existential crisis,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Department Of The Army Diagnosed With ADHD
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of the Army has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) after failing to find a mission it both likes and will stick with, doctors...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Soldier Dies From Massive Erection After Firing .50-Cal For The First Time
FORT LEONARD WOOD — An Army soldier attending basic training died from a massive rush of blood to his penis after firing the M2 .50-caliber machine gun for the first time, sources confirmed. Pvt....
View ArticleClik here to view.
Opinion: Riding In A Humvee Always Gives Me A Boner
The following is an op-ed by that guy in second platoon that is a habitual over-sharer. Hey man! LT said Jones is out sick so it looks like I’ll be a dismount for your truck crew today. You know what...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Op-Ed: I Sexually Identify As An A-10 Thunderbolt
The following is an opinion piece written by Spc. Herbert Pansing, US Army. The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of Duffel Blog or the editors. I have finally found the strength to admit...
View ArticleClik here to view.
ISIS Launches Salsa Night For Morale, Ends With 39 Beheaded
MOSUL, Iraq — The Islamic State (ISIS), has taken a play from the American military handbook by hosting a Salsa Night in Mosul, sources in the Caliphate confirmed. The event was intended for soldiers...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Soldier Disappointed To Learn Jade Helm Not In Fact A Coup
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, Texas- A soldier participating in Jade Helm is disappointed to learn the military is not actually imposing martial law and taking over Texas, sources confirmed. Sergeant 1st...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Veteran With PTSD Tells Neighborhood Not To Have Any Fun This 4th Of July
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Mike Tyler, an Army veteran who diagnosed himself with PTSD four years ago, is asking everyone to please respect his veteran status and forgo anything fun this Independence Day...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Veterans Unsure Whether They Can Make Fun of Medal Of Honor Hero
THE INTERNET — Following an outspoken Medal of Honor recipient’s recent commentaries on politically-charged events, many veterans are conflicted over the acceptability of belittling someone who was...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Jim Webb Promises Not to Kill Again if Elected President
LAS VEGAS, Nevada — Just hours after the Democratic Presidential debate was broadcast on CNN, Sen. Jim Webb (D-Va.) made a solemn vow to not kill again if elected President, sources confirmed. Webb, a...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Good Idea Fairy revealed as O-3 in Pentagon basement
THE PENTAGON — The fabled “Good Idea Fairy,” once thought a joke or an urban legend, and often blamed for seemingly incompetent leadership by troops across the armed forces, has been found in a...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Trump vows to learn identity of unknown soldier during Memorial Day speech
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump promised to learn the identity of the unknown soldier during a speech on Memorial Day. Though the speech was intended to salute fallen military members, Trump at...
View Article